Susan Hayden

You hurt his feelings or upset her. Now you’re in the doghouse—and just in time for Valentine’s Day! Isn't life grand? Assuming you haven’t caused irreparable damage to your relationship—pushing your partner back into singledom—you have two choices.

You can put your tail between your legs, then beg, plead and grovel to get your partner back. Or you can make a peace gesture that, unless she has a heart of stone, can’t be refused. Because Valentine’s Day is no time to be alone; it’s a time to show how much you adore one another, regardless of how severely you messed up!

So if groveling’s not your forté, try one of these:

Go public. Listen up, fellas. Any girl will tell you that public displays of affection (no matter what the form) will melt the heart. Of course, since you’re in deep #$%& here, you should probably put it on pretty thick. Show up with a rose and a pre-prepared “I’m sorry” speech at her favourite restaurant. Maybe read her a cheesy love poem. She’ll either forgive you because she’s so touched or just to end the embarrassment.

Write a letter or peace note. Written words speak volumes, especially if you’re the type who never sits down to write. The effort and sentiment will mean that much more. So draft a letter explaining your case and why you’re ready to end the rift. Or deliver a peace-making email that says, “I think we should talk about what happened. Can we meet tomorrow at 7:00?” This way, you acknowledge the fact that there’s a problem, and let the other know that you’ve been thinking about—and want to talk about—how to work it out. It also gives you some time to cool things off before you get into a heated discussion.

No gifts. Stay away from buying gifts—and buying affection. Not only could it appear cold and insincere (I don’t have time to think or talk about this with you—here’s a keyring from Tiffany’s, enjoy!), but it could escalate into a very bad—and expensive—habit. You may find yourself running to the jewelry shop every time you feel the need to smooth things over.

A lovely gesture. Instead of buying something, make a small gesture that actually takes some mental or physical effort. Fix her stereo, clean her flat, wash his car. Not so small that it goes unnoticed—just something that’s an unusual undertaking on your part. Shock value can go a long way in finding forgiveness.

Apologise. Bite the bullet, and just say, “I’m sorry.” Sometimes that’s all it takes.